Let me be perfectly clear, I work Saturdays and am bitter about it. If you’ve read my tweets, you already know this about me. So, tomorrow I will be feigning cheerfulness while y’all are out, dancing in the rain like the demon spawn of Gene Kelly. Blech.
If do you come in to my store tomorrow, [...]

Dear Customer,
I saw you stuffing your face at the temporarily unmanned free sample station. Believe it or not, it’s not self-serve. The fact that the food was all sealed up *could* have been a clue. I realize this is probably confusing after all of the time you have spent at Golden Corral.
Yours in the Pursuit [...]

Dear Customer,
While the small plant you just chose as a “teacher appreciation” gift *is* cute, I’ve met your children; my professional opinion is that you should also visit the wine department.
Helpfully,
TCG
Dear Boss,
No, no, it is TOTALLY helpful when you stand there and point at the giant pile of work I need to do without ever [...]

Dear Coworkers,
It’s my fault, really. I mean, I should know better than to take a vacation day and leave you to your own devices. Still, whichever one of you used *my* broom and *my* dustpan to clean up vomit and then left it for me to discover by sweeping barf all over my floor and [...]

It’s about darn time I tackled the subject of bad babies. I mean, I work with the public for a living, for chrissakes. First, let’s be clear: when I say “babies”, I mean someone who is still being parented, be they 2 or 12 or 22 (gross). If their parents are still paying their way, [...]