Work is pretty much total poo right now but I *did* manage to amuse myself today by referring to an overly sun-kissed older lady as “Tangela Lansbury”.
My perfect job would be going to people’s houses and reading to their children before bedtime. My specialties are Goodnight Moon, Harry the Dirty Dog, and The Complete Tales [...]

For some reason, yesterday was rife with people who tested my patience and were just begging me to rip their faces off like I was a chimpanzee on Xanax. I have been in retail for a long time and the behavior I witnessed was still surprising.
One lady brought me two dozen roses. “I want these [...]

*Jesus-loving coworker injured herself a week ago, and has been limping around and generally acting pitiful, since. Seriously, lady, you TRIPPED. We all trip. I pretty much trip for a goddamn living! get over it! anyway, today, during one of her few upright times, I noticed she was wearing a silver necklace (think Carrie Bradshaw’s [...]

FADE-IN INT. CANDY DEPARTMENT. LOCAL MARKET. RICHMOND. DAY.
Girl: “Have you had these jellybeans? Which color do you like best?”
Me: “I haven’t tried them. Maybe you should ask the Easter Bunny to bring you some of each.”
Girl: “I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny, I only believe in Jesus.”

Pass It Along:

I was raised in retail and there is one lesson that was drilled into me from a very early age: Never Argue With The Customer. My dad had to repeat this lesson almost daily, as I am contrary. When I was speaking with someone, I was aware that he was watching me, nervously, hoping my [...]