The latest installment of 100 Bad Dates is up at RVANews. Apparently, I can’t stop scandalizing my mother.
Bad Date #39

Pass It Along:

The crazy pregnant lady with the now plum-sized tumor-of-life just keeps getting classier. Standing near where she was ringing up a customer, I heard a small child’s voice say, “Why are you so fat?”
“Because I’m having a baby,” she answered, apparently convinced that it was true.
“Well, where is the baby?” the child asked.
“Right here,” I [...]

Dear Customer,
No, you’re right, aisle four is the *perfect* place to have a cell phone convo wherein you discuss your birth control methods in detail. For making me picture your fat ass humping, you should pay reparations to my soul.
Limply,
TCG
Dear New Coworker,
The girl you are replacing is a drug addict with a fondness for vomiting [...]

Dear Customer,
I’d LOVE to take the sample spoon that you just had your mouth on. Please DO place it right in my bare hand. Now, will you please tell me where I can get vaccinated against Idiot Flu? Thanks a mil.
Virally,
TCG
Dear Customer,
Even though I had my arms full of flowers, I was on board when [...]

customer, upon entering the store: “Every time I come in here, it always smells so good.”
coworker to me, under his breath: “Because I just farted.”
me, giggling: “Like an angel.”
coworker, now also giggling: “Well, I ate potpourri for dinner last night.”
me, barely contained and making a little snorting noise: “Yeah, *angel* potpourri.”
maturity is overrated.

Pass It [...]