Entries from January 2010

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

The Lovely Milk-Bones

My version of The Lovely Bones. Based on a true story.
My name was The Checkout Girl, because I worked in a grocery store for a living, and I died on January 31, 2010. It was a sad sort of death, the details of which were never revealed because to laugh at the expense of the [...]

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Thursday, January 28th, 2010

Next Stop: MTV Cribs

Pitch: Fetus School, a sitcom about a class of sassy babies still in utero. Ripe for such gems as:
“Who’s your homewomb teacher?”
and

“If I bring home one more ‘F’, my mom’s gonna miscarry!”
Why am I not superfamous yet? This shit is gold.

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Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

Adventures Of A Hot Dating Mess

The newest entry in my 100 Bad Dates saga has been posted at RVA News. Read it to experience the magic of a gay date (gate?) and find out what it’s like to play football in the closet.
Bad Date #89

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Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

Unprotected Sex-> Conception-> Zygote-> Embryo-> Fetus-> Baby = Way To Finally Follow Through On Something!

Boss: “Why are the ‘New Baby’ cards filed under ‘Sympathy’?”
Me: *raises eyebrow*
Boss: “Every time I start a conversation with you, I immediately regret it.”
*pic borrowed from whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com

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Monday, January 25th, 2010

There’s No Discount For Agreeing With Me But This Stuff Is Already Free So Shut Yer Complain Hole

Having been inundated with emails from angry Hooters Girls concerned readers, I thought I’d take a few moments to answer the question that’s on nobody’s everybody’s lips: Where the hell have you been?
* Visitin’: My parents flew in from soggy sunny San Diego. It was a delicious stew of angst, embarrassment, pain, nostalgia, and love. [...]

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