Entries from May 2010

Monday, May 10th, 2010

Proof That I Am At Least A Two Trick Pony

Did you know that I write a pop culture column? Did you know that it’s new on Mondays? It’s okay not to know, but it’s not okay not to go. Check it out: Off The Clock with The Checkout Girl I’m also writing a series for a local magazine, the first installment of which is [...]

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Sunday, May 9th, 2010

The Nuts Crackers Sweet -or- Rich White People Is Crazy

I saw a female customer standing just a few feet from me, doing a strange little shuffle. I thought it might be the potty dance, with which I am intimately acquainted and frequently practice. I moved a bit closer, pretending to tend to some plants near her. “Good morning. Can I help you find something?” [...]

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Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

I Am Big! It’s The Pictures That Got Small.

I heard a smashing sound and looked up just in time to see a female customer scurrying away from the scene of the crime. My Assistant Manager must have heard it, too, because he met me at the mess. I knelt down to where a pot was shattered on the floor and the three plants [...]

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Monday, May 3rd, 2010

Off The Clock: SADIFT Club

It’s Monday, which means a new Off The Clock column over at RVA News. This week, I was so excited about Sandra Bullock’s baby, that I just had to talk about it. That kid looks a lot different in a football uniform, but I guess they can do wonders with CGI, nowadays. Off The Clock [...]

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Saturday, May 1st, 2010

Yes, We Have No Bananas. Well, He Says He Does But It’s Likely Just His Penis.

Surprise! My special coworker is a chronic masturbator! Well, he’s also awesomely savant-y about days of the week (any date in the history of, well, history, he can tell you what day of the week that it fell on) but, yeah, he enjoys the hand jive at work and it freaks my beans. Not so [...]

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