So, my workplace is full of what I call “double-blink moments”. You know, where someone says something that is so totally out there that you have to stop, do a double-blink (*blinkblink*) and clear your poor little confused mind before you can respond. When these happen to me, I want to look around and see if I can find the hidden camera, because, seriously, this CAN’T be for real. Double-blink moments can come from interaction with customers or, often, fellow employees and tend to leave me feeling totally exhausted, lying in a heap, and trying to remember my happy place.

For example…

Manager about a fellow employee: “I suspected that he was using again, so I gave him a random drug test.”

Me: *blinkblink* “You know that the word ‘random’ doesn’t really apply in this situation, right?”

Manager: “What?”

Me: Big sigh, leave area.

or this gem…

Customer, to me, who just happens to be standing next to the coffee sample station: “Can you make me a non-fat vanilla latte?”

Me: *blinkblink*

Customer, speaking slower and a little louder: “Non. Fat. Vanilla. Latte.”

Me, giggling: “We just have this. Here. And those little paper cups. There. But there is a coffee shop next door if, you know, you need a barista or something.”

and the ever-popular…

Me, to manager who makes signs: “This has been driving me crazy for a year, now. You know you don’t have to put an apostrophe before an ‘s’ when you are making something plural, right? That actually makes the word possessive.”

Manager, riding an sudden wave of righteous indignation: “I THINK I know how to use apostrophes. I DID take English in college.” *scoffs*

Me: *blinkblink* “Okay.” Sighing and leaving the sign that said, “Order Your Deli Platter’s and Holiday Dinner’s Now!”