A few days ago, Pregzilla handed me an envelope.
“What’s this?”
“Just open it.”
It was a baby shower invitation. I was touched. I even hugged her.
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want. I mean, it’s on a Friday at two in the afternoon. So, you know, it’s no big deal. There is a list of [...]

Boss: “Why are the ‘New Baby’ cards filed under ‘Sympathy’?”
Me: *raises eyebrow*
Boss: “Every time I start a conversation with you, I immediately regret it.”
*pic borrowed from whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com

My coworker who loves Jesus, white people, and being not smart couldn’t figure out how our Assistant Manager’s wife is pregnant with his third child, but her first.
“Is this a riddle?” she asked, completely befuddled.
Yes. The riddle is how you make more money than I do.

My customers are cross today.
Example #1…
me: “Hi. May I help you?”
female customer: “Yes. I don’t like any of these flowers.”
me: *blinkblink*
her, with an expectant look: “…”
me: “Annnnnd, how can I help you with that?”
her: “I guess you can’t” and walks away.
Example #2…
female customer: “EXCUSE ME!”
me: “Uh-huh?”
her: “I just stuck my finger in these mums [...]

I’ve been mulling over the fact that The French Me is having her book turned into a musical. A MUSICAL? But *I* love musicals! Can you think of anything more perfect than a Broadway-style show set in a grocery store and based on the adventures of The Checkout Girl? Probably yes, but I still think [...]