Buried under a mountain of work, I mistakenly reached my hand out from the pile of rubble and answered the phone. “Thank you for calling , may I help you?” “Oh, I am trying to call “. “Well, um, you’re not.” silence. “You’re calling the on . “Damn. I don’t wanna call information. Hey, do [...]

The following is an actual phone conversation I was lucky enough to be a part of earlier today: Me: “Thank you for calling GenericStoreName. How may I help you?” Woman: “What number did I call, please?” Me: “I don’t know.” Her: “How do you not know?” Me: “Because we have several incoming lines. The bigger [...]

Elderly-sounding customer, on phone: “Which colors of roses do you have today?” Me: “I’m sorry, we are sold out of roses right now and I don’t expect a shipment until late this afternoon.” Her: “What about white?” Me: “White what?” Her: “Roses.” Me, attempting to gather: “Ma’am, we are completely out of roses. I don’t [...]

Near the end of a very long day, today, a woman startled me from my stupor. “Where are your peanuts?” she asked. I had to think for a moment, having just had a NSFW conversation with a coworker about, well, not peanuts, exactly, but something pronounced quite similarly. While I was processing her question, she [...]

Boss: “I don’t understand this doctor’s note you brought in about your arm. It says “lift zero pounds”, but that’s impossible. I mean, your arm weighs more than zero pounds.” Me: *blinkblink* “Well, he IS a doctor. He probably already figured in the weight of my arm.”