Dear Classy Lady, It seems I was not as excited to drop everything and do your shopping for Secretary’s Day as you would have liked. But, seriously, TWELVE secretaries? While we’re at it, how does one *get* to twelve secretaries and not have a Personal Assistant for this stuff? Also, being that the holiday is [...]

Dear Customer, I saw you stuffing your face at the temporarily unmanned free sample station. Believe it or not, it’s not self-serve. The fact that the food was all sealed up *could* have been a clue. I realize this is probably confusing after all of the time you have spent at Golden Corral. Yours in [...]

Dear Customer, While the small plant you just chose as a “teacher appreciation” gift *is* cute, I’ve met your children; my professional opinion is that you should also visit the wine department. Helpfully, TCG Dear Boss, No, no, it is TOTALLY helpful when you stand there and point at the giant pile of work I [...]

Dear Coworkers, It’s my fault, really. I mean, I should know better than to take a vacation day and leave you to your own devices. Still, whichever one of you used *my* broom and *my* dustpan to clean up vomit and then left it for me to discover by sweeping barf all over my floor [...]

Dear Lady in the Floor-Length Fur Coat, Did you *really* think I wouldn’t drop everything to quibble with you over a one dollar pricing discrepancy? Well, your mistake. You obviously don’t know me very well. Why, then, did I give you the dollar, anyway? I thought you might need it to acquire more animal skins [...]