Customer: “I could buy four tomatoes at Wal Mart for the price of one tomato here.” Me: “Yes, but they wouldn’t be as good.” Customer: “It doesn’t matter, there would be four of them.”
Boss: “Are you even listening to me?” Me: “Oh, um, no. I’m actually up in my head, rewriting Madonna songs to include things found in the store.” Boss: *sigh* “Really?” Me: “Yes. Check it out.” *singing* “Hollandaise! Celebrate! If we took some hollandaise, poured it on our eggs…” Boss: … Me: “Wait! Where are you [...]
Me: “Why are you mad?” Male Coworker: “I’m not.” Me: “Are you sure?” Male Coworker: “Yes.” Me: “Are we still work married?” Male Coworker: *sigh* “Yes.” Me: “Do you still find me work attractive?” Male Coworker: “You know I’m gay, right?” Me: “Yes, but you aren’t WORK gay!”
Jesus-loving coworker said something ignorant and small-minded today, so I quoted scripture to her. “Well, that must be from the Jewish bible. I only read the Christian bible.”
Customer: “How do you guys get such great flowers for so cheap?” Me: “Flower Mafia.”
