Friday, March 12th, 2010...7:49 pm
Dear Strippers: You Will Be Getting Coins In Your Slot Until My Book Deal Comes Through. I’ll Try To Warm Them In My Hand First. Sorry. Sexy Love, TCG
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I finally caught the carrot that has been dangled in front of me for almost a year (though they might have had better luck using a Taco Supreme or a picture of Clive Owen, but whatever): I got a raise.
I was really excited when the boss told me. Mostly because of how excited she was. Really, she was giddy. She practically jumped up and down as she told me that since I was eleven months overdue, I was to get back pay for those months and wasn’t I so so SO psyched? Yes, yes, I’m psyched. How much?
Twenty-two cents per hour!
Try again…
$.22!
One more time…
22% of one dollar!
I called out today.
12 Comments
Twitter: homesliceva
March 12th, 2010 at 9:00 pm
um, wow. what ARE you going to do with all that extra money? i expect you to take me to dinner – at Taco Bell – with your extra earnings. wow. hard to imagine a more demoralizing raise. You have to work more than 4 hours to earn an extra dollar!!!
March 12th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
OMG. I am so impressed that you have such a strong, resilient sense of humor that you are making this into a hilarious post. Now I feel guilty complaining about my job. That amount is ridiculous.
March 13th, 2010 at 1:15 am
This sounds suspiciously like the “bonus” my husband got, that was so heavily taxed that his paycheck ended up being LESS then it usually is.
Awesomeness.
What are you going to do with all of that extra money, lady? A new car, perhaps? I vote for a maid. I have always wanted one.
Twitter: ms_jones74
March 13th, 2010 at 8:40 am
What was an extra dime per hour supposed to do for me?
March 13th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Hope that doesn’t put you in a higher tax bracket.
Twitter: wanderingmenace
March 13th, 2010 at 11:28 am
There is nothing worse than a boss who expects you to leap for joy at something this ridiculous.
How can that even be considered a raise?
March 13th, 2010 at 12:50 pm
you are worth so much more…time to get the resume out. take care.
March 13th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
I love that you called out today.
Twitter: jennytalia2009
March 13th, 2010 at 10:21 pm
You’ll look back on this and laugh when you get the book deal you so obviously deserve
And when you’re rolling around naked in your millions, don’t forget to take a pic & email it thru to your old boss, with the caption
“suck my dick!”
JT
x
March 14th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
When did a cost of living increase get rolled into the term “raise?” Your post reminds me of the Burger King commercial. Hello, costs go up each year, so our pay needs to as well. (grumble grumble, state employee here with no pay increase for 2 going on 3 years).
March 14th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
God this reminds me of the first raise I got when I was working as a receptionist at Re/Max. Receptionists don’t make a lot of money and so my clothes weren’t always as “professional” as my bitchy boss would have liked. She told me when they gave me that raise that her boss had issue with some of the clothes I wore because they weren’t quite up to scratch. She said with this raise, wasn’t I excited because now I could go out and buy some new clothes! My raise was $100 a year. Worked out to about 5 cents an hour. Yeah. I HATED my boss. *sigh* Thank you for this post. New to your writing but I love it so far.
Twitter: pattypunker
March 15th, 2010 at 10:32 am
let’s celebrate! i’ll bring the PBRs, you bring the cheese in a can.
ps: i’ll pay you for posts.
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