Wednesday, January 20th, 2010...11:14 pm
Do They Make Depends Thongs Because I’m Kind Of Worried About Lines Under My Lindsay Lohan Brand Leggings
One of the biggest complaints I have about my job is how physically demanding it is. Playing with flowers is all well and good but processing them involves lifting several hundred pounds, three times a week. After putting them on a cart and hauling them to my department, they must be chopped and put into buckets of water then carried to where they need to be, usually either in the cooler or on the sales floor. If we ever meet in person, be sure not to miss my right arm (affectionately nicknamed “Ol’ Choppy” and endowed with a voice that can only be described as “the crazy prospector”), which is quite the specimen of manliness. It rivals Arnold Schwarzenegger’s. Or Madonna’s. As we approach Valentine’s Day, every florist’s nightmare, the work multiplies greatly.
Why, then, internet conspirators (that’s right, you are all accomplices), did my boss just hire me an assistant who has been described as a “sweet lady in her early seventies”? I hope to god she’s been taking her Once-Monthly Boniva like Gidget The Flying Nun recommends and whatever that drug is that brags about “I don’t have to go right now” because there’s only room in my department for one pair of Depends and I’ve already cornered that (admittedly disgusting) market. Gonna take ol’ Betty Ann out and see what she can do.
7 Comments
January 21st, 2010 at 6:03 am
It’s so helpful when your boss or your HR department has no clue @ job requirements.
January 21st, 2010 at 9:20 am
i’m surprised they hired her when there was an boneless uncooked chicken available for the work.
January 21st, 2010 at 10:48 am
i always thought that age group was hired for bagging groceries. will she be able to carry those large buckets of water and flowers? will her hands be steady enough to hold the clippers to cut the flowers? i like the idea of thong Depends. good luck with your new assistant. she’ll make for some great blog posts. take care.
January 21st, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Why do you want to thing about Depends. At any rate here is the Thong Depends
January 21st, 2010 at 4:25 pm
I hope she’s spunky. Spunky makes up for lack of muscles.
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:39 am
A la David Foster Wallah, it may be the Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment.
March 16th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
Scary grandmas are the best! Haven’t you seen Madagascar 2? Remember that old lady with her purse? Badass!
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