Tuesday, August 11th, 2009...12:50 am
Feet, It’s What’s For Dinner
Feet have been a hot topic of discussion at work lately. Naturally, this was spurred on by me and my rebellious ankles. I always knew those knobby little guys would be trouble.
Our corporate head of human resources visited the store about two weeks ago, in a huff. She and I have a tempestuous relationship, at best, and have ever since I went to her about an issue with my previous manager and, instead of handling it, she chose to share it with him and someone else not even involved in the situation, like she was regaling them with an entertaining story. Oh, goody, our company has its very own Garrison Keillor! How lucky!
You see, I’ve worked for big companies before, and it’s always been that human resources served as sort of a mediator between employees and employer, advocating for the employee. With my current company, I learned the hard way that this is not the case. I’m not sure what function Ms. HumanResources serves, other than visiting our store quarterly and causing a stir. Every time she sweeps in, she makes a fuss about dress code and the fact that the EEOC and Dept of Labor posters on the wall are dated 2006 (and, yet, they never change!), and sweeps back out again like it’s her job.
I generally ignore Ms. HumanResources, since her betrayal, and this visit was no exception. I had paperwork to do, and paid little attention to the fact that she was standing near me as I did it, speaking with my new manager. From about four feet away, I heard her say, “TCG (not my real name) is not wearing socks. I need you to take care of it.” In my head my own voice begged, “Please don’t say ‘I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE’! Please don’t say ‘I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE’!” I didn’t. It took every ounce of self-control I had, but I didn’t. Instead, I finished what I was doing and walked away.
About an hour later, New Manager approached me. “We need to talk about something,” she said. “Is it socks?” I snapped back, “Do we need to talk about socks?” She was taken aback. Did she really think I didn’t hear her from a midget-length away? I softened, slightly. “Are socks in the dress code and I am just two years later after not wearing socks for even one day hearing about it? Is that what’s happening?” I asked, having the entire conversation for her. “Yes,” she said, and tried to make it okay with, “I am guilty of the same thing. I never wear socks and I need to set an example.” I shrugged, not about socks but about the absurdity involved in nitpicking such things while sock-wearers are getting away with murder, plus the whole telling-someone-to-tell-me-something-instead-of-just-telling-me-yourself thing. “I’ll wear socks tomorrow,” I sighed, defeated.
The next day I came in, be-stockinged as promised. It was the same day we had our weekly management pow-wow. She stood up in front of God and Hasselhoff and said that dress code was going to be strictly enforced from now on, down to our feet. No one even stirred from their meeting-induced coma to comment. “Thanks for being so cool about the whole sock thing,” New Manager said, afterward, without a hint of sarcasm (missing out on an awesome chance to be snide, in my totally grownup opinion). Again, my inner-voice begged, “Don’t look down at her feet! Don’t look down at her feet!” But it was too late; my eyes were already on their way down to TootsieTown. By now you’ve undoubtedly guessed that there were no socks when my eyes arrived. And there haven’t been, in the week since. In fact, I can’t stop looking at her feet, daily, and feeling as if they have “suck it” tattooed across their smooth, cotton-less tops.
Do I care if New Manager does or doesn’t wear socks? Not a whit. In fact, I am kind of psyched for her feet, which are not imprisoned during these hottest days of 2009. You go, little piggies! Plus, it’s a big joke around the store, as mornings now include coworkers stopping by my department to do the daily sock check. However, the thing I DO care about is her pretending to be down with her employees by making a big stink about how we are all in this together. Wrong. Only one of the two of us has feet sporting straight jackets made by Fruit of the Loom, and it ain’t you, Princess Barefoot.
Oh, and the socks pictured at the top of this post? Ordered and on their way. The revolution will be started by a sassy checkout girl and her ten little indians. Trust.
16 Comments
August 11th, 2009 at 5:55 am
Wear Ragg socks or anything else bulky.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:57 am
Now is the time for the tackiest holiday socks located at your local Kohl’s my friend…Halloween orange striped mummies on your feet. Employee sock revolution anyone?
August 11th, 2009 at 7:51 am
Do you need someone to call in the health department to tell New Manager about socks in food prep areas, which she surely needs to manage in the course of her day? One CRITical.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Hmm, my sound effect was parsed as html. That was supposed to say “one (blam!) CRITical”. I wonder what exactly the html blam tag does.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Aha!!! The pecking order rears it’s ugly head.
Twitter: homesliceva
August 11th, 2009 at 9:53 am
those socks rock me. i love them. what i do not love is all the corporate crap. every time i read about it i stop feeling sorry for my paycheck-less self and feel like running through your store, barefoot and wearing a tube top, rubbing vegetables all over my tummy.
August 11th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
You could have tube sock Tuesdays – check out these below…
http://www.shopflick.com/stores/Rock-Socks/Meat-Socks–Unisex
August 11th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Myers – MUST. HAVE. MEAT. SOCKS.
Homeslice – You are welcome to molest my veggies any(every)time.
Ivan – I don’t mind, as long as I’m not the one who is always getting pecked!
Melissa – You had me at “blam!”
Patience – Don’t mind if I do!
August 11th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
I hate when upper mangement starts to nitpick about the tiniest little things. SOCKS?! Are you kidding me?! And how in the hell did the HR woman not get fired after sharing things with other co-workers that you had told her in confidence? That is crazy.
August 12th, 2009 at 5:53 am
Silly girl, to think a human resource person it there for an employee…. You must remember who they work for, their real job is to keep an eye on employees while making them feel good with platitudes and slogans while gathering information to use against them at a later date.
Ever notice that the only person not wearing a hat in the food preparation area of a fast food restaurant is the manager? I guess their hair is more sanitary than the rest of the staff.
So, BLAM… I guess your manager’s feet don’t stink…
August 12th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Okay, I have to admit that I was a bit angered while reading your post, I mean, it totally sucks, the sock issue. I got up to use the ladies room and all of a sudden I am wrestling with my pantyhose and all of my sympathy for your sock problem went out the window. I would KILL to just wear socks to work one time…
August 16th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
I used to work for A Large Global Corporation. One day a Very Important Person (#2 in the hierarchy, I think) came to visit. In the week or so before his visit all the admins were given the task of straightening up. I had to clean out the fridge, make sure all my department’s cubes were neat, etc. No big deal.
The HR manager sent out a directive specifically telling everyone to make sure the pins on the bulletin boards were the same color, preferably clear.
The fact that she took any amount of time to think about this made me doubt her sanity. The fact that she thought about this knowing full well the VIP would go from the elevator to the board room and back again without ever looking at a bulletin board made me vow never ever ever ever ever to go into HR. I have vastly more respect for the average office drone than anyone in HR has ever had. Your story only makes me believe this more firmly.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:49 am
oh man I have been so busy moving that I haven’t read your blog and man did I miss this!
being in HR myself …hehe… I cringe at people like that! like seriously I can’t believe how DUMB some people truly are! I hope you do really wear those stripped socks!! rock them out!
September 9th, 2009 at 12:56 am
[...] Princess Barefoot, who has still not worn socks EVEN ONCE, has been cleaning house like mad. It doesn’t come off as a desperate assertion of power, so much as a long-shirked chore come to the point of no longer being avoidable. Kind of like the Duggar family, whom we can only ignore for so long before *someone* is going to have to step up and point out that there is no maternity ward in the retirement home. [...]
October 6th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
[...] and ran to the back so I could say that I had one and it was delicious. When I got back there, Princess Barefoot (who has taken to wearing Peds, by the way. dangit, now I like her) was just closing the box and [...]
February 17th, 2010 at 2:09 am
[...] a disappointing turn of events, it’s become clear that my boss, who was off to such a promising start, has big [...]
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