Monday, May 25th, 2009...7:14 pm
God Bless the U.S.A.
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Dear Customer in the Tiny Jogging Shorts,
Now that I’ve seen your testicles, where do we go from here?
Curiously,
TCG
Dear Coworker,
Your current intense manic state is, dare I say it, at least three times as annoying as your dramatic, depressed state. What do I have to do to convince you to lay on the floor and breathe into a paper bag again? Also, got any uppers? I know you do.
Pharmaceutically,
TCG
Dear Customer,
Though you obviously think alternatively, the fact that the store ran out of tomatoes today was not meant as a personal insult to you. I hope we can get through this because, honestly, I don’t know *what* I would do if you made good on your promise to “never shop here again”. Truly.
Let’s Hug It Out,
TCG
12 Comments
Twitter: homesliceva
May 25th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
nothing like a holiday to bring out the worst (and the balls) in people.
May 25th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Earlier I walked to 7-Eleven out of sheer boredom and got a Slurpee because I’m not a fat enough fattie yet. The old lady behind the counter said, “That’ll be $800.”
I gave her a blank stare thinking I’d misheard her, and she followed up saying that because it was a holiday and also hot outside that the going rate for Slurpees was $800.
Then she asked if I thought it was hot outside to which I replied, “Meh, it’s not bad.” So she said she’d knock the price down to a few hundred for me.
She played this game for another minute or so until we were down to the regular Slurpee price.
…That anecdote isn’t really relevant to anything but I figured if I didn’t share it here I’d forget about it by tomorrow and no one would ever know it’d happened. D:
Though, I suppose if you decide to mess with your customers in a similar manner then this comment is suddenly relevant.
May 26th, 2009 at 6:31 am
Coheed – coke slurpees are my favorite thing in the world. we should have 100 of them together and then laugh at each other’s brainfreezeface. also, I’m totally stealing this. these roses? a thousand dollars. they are THAT beautiful. my largely elderly customer base probably won’t get it, but I’ll report back and let you know.
May 26th, 2009 at 6:58 am
That’s the classic annoying customer question:
“How can a _____ run out of ______!!??!!”
And no childish customer tantrum would be
complete without a, “This is RIDICULOUS!!1″
May 26th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
@thecheckoutgirl: I’ve taken to mixing the Coke flavor with whatever cherry one they’re running at the time (it seems to change based on sponsorship/advertisements). The combination tastes like happy.
I left my “real” email in here for once in case you want to meet up and gorge ourselves on sugary goodness. I live in the Museum District so I’m within walking distance of potentially hundreds of 7-Elevens depending on how hopped up on caffeine I am at the time. :]
May 26th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
My store frequently discontinues the scents we sell and you would think I’m telling a customer I’ve just murdered her child they way they react to it. Then they ask me why I did that. So I’ve gotten fond of telling them, “Ya know, the CEO of the company didn’t call me up personally and ask my opinion on the matter…so I don’t really know.”
That usually shuts them up
May 26th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
hey sport…. I have been mulling this over… I think I can come up with a song… I just need some specifics on what you want and I can work from there… holla
May 27th, 2009 at 8:00 am
how about the customer that emails corporate customer service to complain about store hours getting adjusted by closing one hour earlier (done 3 months ago) and how she would never “normally” complain but she “plans every minute of her day” and she is a “very loyal customer” (last in 9 months ago). unless we are selling insulin or some other medical necessity, does one really need to shop at the mall at 9:00 pm?
May 28th, 2009 at 11:03 am
coheed – if you weren’t already a connoisseur, I would hip you to the fact that 1/3 cherry + 2/3 coke is the perfect ratio. and the cherry should go on the bottom. when it starts melting…mmm, bliss.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
I headed to the closest 7-Eleven (one block!) just now whilst at work in order to test out your methods. I think I usually go about halfsies with the flavors.
Unfortunately, I keep forgetting this 7-Eleven’s Coke dispenser is always acting up. The “don’t use” light is never on but for some reason the damn thing just doesn’t work properly. I could hardly coax any stuff to come out so I cranked the handle, and then there was a slurpee explosion.
Messy. Got it on my arms, shirt, and even a little on my glasses. I ran away people anyone could notice it was me. I hope. D:
May 29th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Hmm. Wish you could edit comments!
people = before*
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:03 pm
miss your face/voice/life.
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