It seems to be a common assumption that retail girls are easy. I can neither confirm nor deny this. However, we do get hit on. A LOT. Now, I don’t pretend that it is because I am beautiful. I am, in fact, quite average looking. I think it’s more about having a girl be nice to you for a period of time (I guess about one to two minutes, average, per transaction). Here’s a hint: While she may actually like you, be interested in what you are saying, or think that the jokes you tell *are* that hilarious, the girl ringing up your purchases is also paid to be pleasant and somewhat charming. Hate to burst your bubble, buddy, but the girl on the phone sex line isn’t *really* getting off, either. I’ve been here *and* there, and I know from whence I speak. But, I digress. On to the stories…

I had a customer about a year ago who was a law enforcement officer. He made sure to tell me this each time we met, as if I might forget but it was important that I not. He was nice enough and not bad looking but came on really strong with the “coptalk” and I wasn’t particularly interested. Besides, who wants to date someone who could REALLY fuck you over, should the relationship go sideways? Anyway, he started coming in more frequently and I, being completely over it, would see him shopping around and find some shelves to straighten or other things to do, so that I wouldn’t have to ring him up. He would hover around, pretending to look at things and waiting for me to be somewhere near my register, and then pull this whole, “Oh, hello! Are you open?” Ugh. Finally, he got up the nerve to ask me out. He was going to some New Year’s Eve party and said I should “Come along and we could have some fun.” It was really sleazy and had this awful “winkwinknudgenudge” feel that gave me a shiver. Listen, when you are a single girl, New Year’s is bad enough WITHOUT being on a terrible date, come midnight. I politely declined and he went on his way. Just two days later, he came back in. With his wife. And his baby. I only wish I were kidding. I also only wish he didn’t still show up every six months or so, asking me if I want to “hook up”. Moving on…

I had another customer who was a waiter at a restaurant just down the street from the store where I was working. He would come in every few days on his way to work and pick up a few things. I then noticed that he was coming in m0re frequently, and buying less. I thought to myself, “Couldn’t you get a pop for free at your restaurant? Why are you coming in daily and getting just one?” Duh. One day, while digging up enough change for a 20 oz (sexy!), he blurted out, “If I gave you my phone number, would you call me?” Damn. I gave him a “maybe” and told him that I was just out of something and not ready to date yet, but he just shoved his phone number scribbled on an old receipt (from my store, natch) in my hand and was off. No big deal, right? I wish. The next day he came in again and asked, “Why didn’t you call me?” in an unmistakably disturbed tone. “Uh, I don’t know?” was my answer. Then he mentioned that he saw me walking to work sometimes (true), and that it wasn’t really safe for me to walk in that neighborhood, alone. Creepy! I said I would be careful, and again he was gone. I told my manager about it, just in case. After all, I had to walk home after work! The next morning, he showed up just as I arrived, but didn’t come in the store. He sat on a bench outside the store, right in front of the window where I always worked. After about an hour, I called my manager to the front and told him what was going on. The manager stepped outside and asked the man if he could help him. “No, I’m just here to give (me) a ride home,” was his response. The manager came in and told me what he had said. A ride home? In nine hours? I guess so, because he sat there ALL NINE HOURS. It freaked me out and made me uncomfortable and, when it was near time to leave, I made the next manager on duty go outside and ask him to leave and then come back in and give me a ride home. I only saw him a few times after that, when he would come in, look around, and leave. Especially if he saw one of those managers. Still, I was pretty certain that I was destined to end up on the evening news.