All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.

I heard a smashing sound and looked up just in time to see a female customer scurrying away from the scene of the crime. My Assistant Manager must have heard it, too, because he met me at the mess.

I knelt down to where a pot was shattered on the floor and the three plants that made up the dish garden, aka “three plants in one big pot”, were demolished and yelled.

“Officer down! OFFICER DOWN!”

The Assistant Manager rolled his eyes as he stood over me. I leaned closer to the plants.

“Hang in there, buddy. You’re gonna make it.”

I looked up at him and stage whispered.

“Psst. He’s not gonna make it.”

He walked off to grab a broom and dustpan. When he returned he had clearly grown tired of the game.

“Stand up. You’re being dramatic.”

I wasn’t tired of it. At all. I scooped up the spilled potting soil in my hands, letting it fall between my fingers.

“Dramatic? DRAMATIC? DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT DRAMATIC! THIS PLANT WAS THREE DAYS FROM RETIREMENT!!”

He started sweeping me and I figured I could either close the curtain on Masterpiece Theater or be reprimanded. I decided to take the road more traveled. I stood up and made a pretend clapboard with my arms.

“And, scene.”

Pretty sure the customer got the message, which was simply “I saw that.”