Monday, June 8th, 2009...11:55 pm
It’s A Bird, It’s A Plane
I am fairly well-behaved at my current job, which is surprising for those who know me. If nothing else, they work the sass and troublemaking energy out of you. However, I have not only engaged in some shockingly naughty behavior, but have also witnessed, and been the victim of, some extremely disorderly conduct.
It just so happens that I have a crazy, irrational fear of a common animal. Like have you ever seen those Maury Povitch episodes where one lady screams bloody murder when she sees Q-tips, another when she sees kittens? It’s something like that. Well, a few years ago I was working a night shift at the big store with a red circle on the front, and one of those animals wandered in. To say I freaked my beans is an understatement. It was like a scene from a horror movie. I screamed and ran like Jason Voorhees was chasing me through Camp Crystal Lake.
Well, that’s all it took for my coworkers to start torturing me. The next night, they had gathered every toy we sold that resembled that animal and piled them in my department. Hilarious. In case you wondered, yes, I even hate the cartoony versions. The next night, one of my coworkers smuggled another real-live one of them into the store and threw it at me. Big laughs. Like the ugly, smelly hyenas in The Lion King. I stomped out, called the store, and said I would be back when my coworkers could behave more nicely. Also, I treated the mastermind’s car to a tinkle shower. Hey, you gotta work with what you’ve got!
Life is short, make mischief, I say. But if you are an asshole who doesn’t know when to stop, then be prepared to deal with SuperPeeGirl!
17 Comments
June 9th, 2009 at 5:38 am
Well-played SuperPeeGirl!
June 9th, 2009 at 7:22 am
Good puzzler…you have a cat and a dog, don’t you? What other animal is common enough to wander in on its own, but tame enough that someone was willing to throw one at you? Not a possum. Bluebird? Worm?
June 9th, 2009 at 7:52 am
Was it a squirrel? Chipmunk? Birdie? I promise not to torment you with it, whatever it is.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Jackal? Jackal?! It’s a jackal! Jackal! Jackal!
June 9th, 2009 at 11:46 am
My guess is a frog. Maybe a lizard…
June 9th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
It was totally a raccoon. You don’t like how they have human-like hands that they eat with, huh? Freaks you out to see them sitting straight up, nibbling on an old ear of corn, holding it like a little furry person.
June 9th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
That’s so cruel that they’d throw an actual animal at you when you are so clearly terrified of it. People are awful sometimes. I’m also wondering what it was, but you are right not to tell us lest other cruel people try to harrass you with it again.
June 9th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Cute. I’d walk out too, that’s totally uncalled for. Retail isn’t so great that I’d be willing to put up with that. I don’t think it would have occured to me to pee on someone’s car, but that’s pretty damn funny.
Seconding the guess that it’s a raccoon. You’re not going to tell us though, are you?
June 9th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
No wait – it’s a rat.
June 9th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Aren’t raccoons too big for someone to throw at someone else? I thought they were like opossums.
June 9th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
hmmm. a deer? walrus? wait, no walruses running around in virginia… snake???
ps. having fun in texas, wish you were here.
June 9th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Wait, I meant to say that they were like opossums in size, not actually like close to them on a dna-relatedness level. Aren’t they??
June 9th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
i love you peepants
June 10th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
It is a bird. I can spot a fellow bird hater! I have had people throw bread or birdseed at my feet just to watch me flip out. I also get pictures of birds in my email all the time (thanks homeslice!)
June 10th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Agree with a previous guess – frog
June 10th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Amanda – bird != animal
June 10th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
has to be a bird…
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