Monday, March 8th, 2010...10:15 pm
Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Mamas
A few days ago, Pregzilla handed me an envelope.
“What’s this?”
“Just open it.”
It was a baby shower invitation. I was touched. I even hugged her.
“You don’t have to come if you don’t want. I mean, it’s on a Friday at two in the afternoon. So, you know, it’s no big deal. There is a list of places I’m registered on the back.”
“So, you don’t want me to come?”
“No. I mean yes, but no. I mean, I invited, like, 40 people and my house only holds 6 or 8. So, no.”
She reached over to me, still holding the invite, pulled it out of my hand, turned it over, and put it back into my hand.
“Yeah, so, you just go to the store and tell customer service my name and you are there to get my list and buy something on it.”
*blinkblink*
“But you don’t necessarily HAVE to go to one of these stores. I mean, if you do then whatever you buy will match what everybody else buys but I’ll really take gifts from anywhere, if that makes it easier.”
*blinkblink*
“Okay, so, I’m going to hang one on the bulletin board. If anybody asks, can you tell them my last name? It makes it easier to find me in the registries.”
As she walked away, I reminded myself that she is with child and throwing her down some stairs could get dodgy, legally. After all Johnnie Cochran is dead and Gloria Allred has her hands full of Tiger’s mistresses (sexy!), so who will defend me?
I’m also keeping my eyes on the prize: she has stated she will try to get more government assistance so she can stay home after the baby is born. Come on, President Obama, in for a penny in for a pound, what’s another couple thou?
18 Comments
Twitter: ms_jones74
March 8th, 2010 at 10:26 pm
Make sure to buy her something nice, now!
March 9th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I think you should show up to the shower, but “forget” to bring a gift.
March 9th, 2010 at 8:26 am
Give her a coupon for 30 minutes of babysitting that expires before the baby is due.
Twitter: MFA_Mama
March 9th, 2010 at 9:12 am
Get her a free trial subscription to a parenting magazine with automatic bill-me-later…and make sure you give them her last name!
March 9th, 2010 at 10:41 am
There is a very bad and unfunny old joke (which is okay for me to refer to b/c I am also bad and unfunny), the punchline of which is apropos here. It’s “F-em, give ‘em a dollar.”
Twitter: pattypunker
March 9th, 2010 at 11:24 am
even her baby is kicking her in the gut.
March 9th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Oh, oooh, find out who all of the other invitees are, charter a bus and show up all at once.
Tell her you’d have brought a gift but the bus ticket cost so much that you couldn’t afford it, but you just knew that she really wanted your company more than “stuff” anyway.
Twitter: MarinkaNYC
March 9th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
I certainly hope that she registered for a fucking clue.
March 9th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
*blinkblink*
March 9th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
And for some reason I still continue to be amazed at the things people do.
I received a birthday party invitation one day with a list of places to get gift cards for the birthday person.
March 9th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Post the address so we can all send her something nice. And the last name.
March 10th, 2010 at 3:58 am
Isn’t a sense of entitlement a wonderful gift?
March 10th, 2010 at 7:45 am
People like this will not get subtlety. Therefore, while some of the posted ideas would make YOU feel better, if the true purpose of doing something is to make her see the error of her ways, you need to be more brazen about it. And, the more the better – get some like-minded co-workers involved. If she’s the type of person I think she is, after the date of the shower, she will inquire about the lack of a gift. Simply state: I don’t like feeling obligated to buy gifts for people. Hell, I don’t even think that’s brazen enough.
Twitter: BustedKate
March 10th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? I would have killed her anyways and made it look like an accident.
Un-frickin-believable. Buy her earplugs, and say “you’re gonna need ‘em”.
March 11th, 2010 at 12:22 am
fuck. that. bitch. pregnancy is no excuse for that sort of behavior.
March 11th, 2010 at 9:57 am
“I invited every single person I’ve made eye contact with in the past 187 hours but my house can only accommodate 5 people if two are standing on the porch and one is sitting in the driveway. But you should definitely buy me stuff and just bring it by. Just hand it to the guy in the driveway. He’ll pass it along.”
March 15th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
[...] may be a hot gestating mess, but it turns out that Pregzilla is actually the most normal/sane/classy (no, really) person in her little universe. Aside from her [...]
Twitter: DomesticatedGal
March 18th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Hand her an envelope. Tell her to open it carefully – it’s filled with LOVE! ONLY LOVE! Because you’ve heard that’s what a baby needs most – LOVE!
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