Wednesday, February 24th, 2010...11:09 pm
Shamurder
killer whales iz tricky!
The recent whale on woman violence at Sea World Orlando totally reminded me, in a craptastic way, of a time I saw the same thing happen. Well, ish.
Picture it, San Diego, nineteen hundred and ninety three, my womb is ripe with life and my ankles are ripe with water and someone in my family gets the bright idea to drag me around Sea World to take my mind off of the fact that I can’t take in so much as a sip of water without falling to my knees and praying for death to come quickly.
As I waddled around the park, I begged my genetically-linked companions for just five minutes of sitting. We ended up at the killer whale show. Now, I’m not a big fan of training animals to do ridiculous tricks based on “behavior they would exhibit on the wild”. Let’s face it, there are no fucking hoops in the wild and I’m certain that I was saying as such when the entire crowd gasped. There was a male trainer pressed against the glass, sort of upside-downish. Underwater.
It lasted only a minute, at the most, but people screamed, other trainers panicked, and I cried. The whale released the trainer, and he was pulled up, over the glass in front of us. A voice on the loudspeaker assured the crowd that that was how Orcas played and the trainer was fine but the show was over. My family wanted to continue their deep blue day but I was tired, and disturbed, and, you know, chubby, so we went home. It was a while before the trapped man’s terrified face wasn’t the first thing I saw when I closed my eyes.
Blah blah they aren’t called killer whales for nothing but blah blah animals in captivity aid conservation research blah blah blah. I don’t have a point, I don’t have a punchline, I just wanted to tell you about the time I saw an Orca get gangster on a man in a wetsuit.
And now I have, yo.
6 Comments
February 25th, 2010 at 12:40 am
thanks for sharing your story. i am not a fan of those shows, either. do you think PETA has already sent people down there to speak on behalf of Tilikum?
February 25th, 2010 at 1:21 am
I’m not sure that I would want an organization whose initials me People Eating Tasty Animals speaking on my behalf.
I might have to get a Twitter account just so I can stalk… er, follow… you.
February 25th, 2010 at 11:34 am
I definitely laughed at your
“Shamu” is trending. “Shamurder”, sadly, is not.
tweet and then felt bad about myself for doing so.
February 26th, 2010 at 12:33 am
Folks, there is a reason they are called “wild” animals. Much is made of how intelligent some animals are, well I’ve seen some pretty mean two year old kids too. I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you mess with the bull, you are going to get the horn, or something like that….
Twitter: pattypunker
February 26th, 2010 at 10:36 am
there seriously are no hoops in the wild. i don’t get this shit. it’s time we leave these animals who keep to themselves alone and domesticate the real animals in our society, like sarah palin. let’s see her do tricks in captivity.
ooops, did i say that out loud.
March 15th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
I, as well, employ a pit-bull who may be the most supporting animal I’ve ever owned. Soon, a fresh dog breed will arrive along for the media to blast, as they have performed rotties and dobies in preceding many years. Unfortunate that media sensationalism breeds a lot inaccurate information.
Leave a Reply