Dear Customer,
Look, we all do it. Everybody takes things that don’t belong to them. Who doesn’t have a cache of pilfered pens and paper clips at home, courtesy of their office? T-shirts and cd’s, courtesy of their ex? A tummy full of grapes, courtesy of their local grocery store? It’s totally natural, like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

However, when I saw you with your Kate Gosselin haircut and tiny backpack for a purse spend 20 minutes trolling the produce section like it was a fruit buffet, eating things from the tables, and generally acting like a fatty tourist at a Vegas all-you-can-eat gastrointestistravaganza (JUST 2.99!!), I was dismayed.

It’s not so much about the theft, as I’m not one to judge those things. After all, many days I eat both breakfast AND lunch out of the nut bins (I know!). But, there’s a difference. I don’t eat directly FROM the nut bins. Forget about been caught stealing, Jane’s Addiction, I caught you stuffing your face like you were huddled in the corner of your room secret eating and dabbing both your mouth and your tears with the same corner of a bedsheet. I say this out of L-O-V-E love: swallow that fruit, and stop swallowing your pride.
In Sisterhood,
TCG

ps – You got a little something on your shirt. It’s called truth.