Sunday, May 9th, 2010...10:12 pm
The Nuts Crackers Sweet -or- Rich White People Is Crazy
I saw a female customer standing just a few feet from me, doing a strange little shuffle. I thought it might be the potty dance, with which I am intimately acquainted and frequently practice. I moved a bit closer, pretending to tend to some plants near her.
“Good morning. Can I help you find something?”
She looked a little more surprised than the situation called for, but continued the side to side jiglet.
“Nope. I’m good.”
Then, something caught my eye. A tiny paper sample cup was balled up in her fist. There’s no way you can do my job for three years and not develop a sixth sense for these things. I looked down. Mrs. Bojangles was standing in a puddle of coffee, spreading it around with her feet.
She saw me glance at the floor and her face turned a deep red. Not so red that she asked for a paper towel, though. Instead, she turned on her heel and made to walk away, her first step being mighty unsure. That’s right, she slipped in her own mess, doing a little move I haven’t seen since Baryshnikov. It wasn’t a grand jeté or anything, but it was pretty great.
I didn’t bother to stifle my gleeful laughter as she sulked away, humiliated. I figured she owed me that, since I was the one who had to mop up her little accident.
A bit later, I heard the familiar beep that precedes a page over the store-wide sound system, mostly used to page a manager or announce a phone call. Instead of a coworker’s voice, though, the one that came through the speakers was that of a stranger.
“Would the person who is driving the white Mercedes and left their child in the car please go back outside and GET that child before I call the police? Do it for yourself, do it for your child, do it for all of us. AND DON’T DO IT AGAIN.”
We’re running a BOGO on parental guilt, people. Get it while it’s hot and fresh.
8 Comments
May 10th, 2010 at 12:21 am
Holy shit; I love it! I wish more people had the balls to speak up like that!
May 10th, 2010 at 6:09 am
About what? The masturbation or the pot power? Sigh… Think maybe the “special one” knows he is noisy? Bait? Eeewwwww…..
May 10th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Why in the world wouldn’t she just tell you she spilled coffee? That’s just weird.
And let me get this straight, a customer announced over the PA? That’s just awesome.
Twitter: BustedKate
May 10th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Good grief, I only regret that woman didn’t go completely ass over elbow in her own accident. She should be mortified! Hope she never shows her face in that store again.
Bottom example, prime for my “And yet these people can procreate?” series!
Thanks for the note on my blog the other day
Busted Kate´s last blog ..The Time I Left My Bra In A Bar: Memoir Monday
Twitter: pattypunker
May 10th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
perfect! cuz you know how appalling rich white find bogos to be.
pattypunker´s last blog ..i’d show you my asshole but it’s not pink enough
Twitter: cbellabell
May 11th, 2010 at 1:47 am
I LOVE that someone got called out for leaving their kid in the car. Who even does that anymore?
Twitter: kernut
May 11th, 2010 at 11:31 am
Ok, so I swear I posted a comment yesterday, and now I don’t see it. Bummer ’cause it was way wittier that I can repeat. *sigh*
I thought you were going to say you had caught her trying to do a “slip and fall” scam. She might have been preparing to do just that and you saved the store! You totally deserve a raise.
Kernut´s last blog ..Who Bought Your Sex Toys?
May 12th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
You know the spiller was the bad mommy too!
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