Saturday, May 23rd, 2009...11:06 pm
You’re A Mean One, TCG
In the course of speaking with a friend the other day, I mused (inwardly) that I may be one of them thar Mean Girls. The conversation included us laughing about the subtle tricks I play on customers to keep myself amused. In my defense, I was unpopular in high school. In everyone else’s defense, maybe I was shunned for a reason.
One of my favorite little pranks is to pretend that I don’t hear or understand the customer. This technique is most frequently used when someone has ordered, rather than requested, something. I am usually giving the person a chance to hear him/herself and rephrase what they have just said. It works approximately 15% of the time, which I consider success. Caveat: I sometimes use it when someone is perfectly nice, but I don’t feel like doing what they’ve asked. Examples…
Customer, shoving flowers in my direction: “I need you to wrap these and put a ribbon on them.”
Me, blinking in confusion: …
Customer: …
Me: …
Customer, take 2: “Would you please wrap these flowers and put a ribbon on them? It’s my mom’s birthday.”
Me: “Of course! Just give me a moment…”
*or*
Customer, frantically: “I’m in a huge hurry and need a gift basket!”
Me, arms full of plants or flowers. I slowly put them down, like crazyslow, and pull out the gift basket form: “Ooooooooookay. Leeeeeeeeeeet’s see heeeeeeere. When would you like to pick up that basket?”
Customer: “Pick it up? No! I need it right now!”
Me, conveying the absurdity of this notion : “Right now?? Ummmm, okay.”
The thing is, I don’t really mind doing it. I’m just more annoyed that people rush in, wanting something that takes twenty minutes to do really well, and wanting that thing twenty minutes ago. When I send them on their way, I tell them, helpfully, “I’d be glad to make you a basket anytime. If you call ahead, you won’t be inconvenienced by having to wait!”
The key to getting away with impertinence, for me, anyway, is to chirp everything I say. It leaves people confused like, “The words she is using are those of a bitchy girl, but she sounds like a perky lil’ chipmunk. I know I should be mad, but I’m not!” In fact, for all of my poor behavior, I have never received even one customer complaint. Honestly, I am a nice girl, but no one can be giggles and blowjobs sunshine *all* the time.
8 Comments
May 24th, 2009 at 8:25 am
The title of this post totally freaked me out when I was flipping through my blog reader. My initials are TCG.
Also, I’m a mean girl too.
May 24th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
I do the same thing! Usually someone is sitting at a computer, and they’re too lazy to come get me at the circulation desk, so they snap their fingers or wave at me instead. So I say, “Do you need help with the computer?” trying to get them to, you know, speak, instead of hailing me like I’m a cab. My success rate, however, is only about 1% of the time.
Twitter: homesliceva
May 24th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
during nap mat season, people will wait til literally the day before they need one for their kid and then demand – no, SCREAM – that they need it EMBROIDERED with little TIMMY’S NAME RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW. I always do the “blink blink” over the phone, and breathe quietly, allowing them time to rephrase the question. what’s funny is that if i’m asked nicely i will generally go to the ends of the earth, but nothing like a demand to make me completely truculent.
May 24th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
homeslice – there’s a nap mat SEASON? the things I don’t know…
May 24th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I do the same thing, but as a customer.
Me: “Hey, gimmie some of themthere flowers.”
You: “…” *blink blink”
Me: “…”
You: “…”
Me: “…ahem…” *blink blink”
You: “I’m sorry, what?”
Me: “What?”
You: “These flowers?”
Me: “…” *blinking again
You: “These flowers, SIR?”
Me: “Dammit, hurry up. I needed them 20 minutes ago.”
May 24th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
I think the chirpy voice thing totally works. I’ll do that sometimes too if I need to say something snarky or curt.
May 24th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
LOVE IT!
June 8th, 2009 at 8:38 am
[...] is exceptionally funny (when you aren’t the butt of her jokes or one of her customers) and admits that she might even be mean. …. I work at an upscale market selling expensive foods to people who can afford them. I also [...]
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